#2: Granting You Full Permission To Get High and Cry
Plus: New Moon in Aries, NOW! That’s What I Call Weed Witch Vol. 1
From The Desk of The Weed Witch
March 24, 2020
Dear Witch Nation,
Is it just me or does it every day feel like a horrible dystopian nightmare? JFC. Here I thought that spending October through December binge-watching episodes of the Twilight Zone and Black Mirror would have adequately prepared me for this situation, but here we are! Oy!
If tuning into the all-news-is-bad-news nonstop news cycle every morning during an international pandemic is putting a real damper on your day, I have good news for you: you’re not alone! (Unless you live alone, I mean. Hang in there, baby!). Turns out it’s totally normal and human to actually feel something. Or you’re a sociopath. Or a fucking asshole. Or both: Jeff Bezos.
Hey, call me an overly sensitive Pisces pothead all you want, but as someone who cries at least twice a day and as your nonjudgmental Weed Witch mother, I give you full permission to cry and smoke as much weed as you want. Trust me: were it not for joints, edibles, tarot, a fully-stocked kitchen and a decent bathtub, I would have probably lost my shit awhile ago. Actually, I have. Like 200x a day. But at least I can do it in the comfort of my home, which is truly a blessing compared to my typical habit of doing it chronically on the MTA.
So, if you ever felt shamed for having anxiety and depression, just remember that feeling feels is totally healthy and normal right now at a time when nothing is normal. Be kind to yourself! Make time to do something nice just for you. It’s gonna be a long haul, but at least we’re innit together! Small acts of kindness can really make a big difference in someone’s day. In fact, I have a few small kind acts below if you need some ideas!
So, if you’re worried about whether or not mom approves of your “deviant pot smoking lifestyle” — *gasp* — while the world is collectively freaking the fuck out about an uncertain future while coping with anxiety and depression, I officially give you permission to get high.
Signed,
The Weed Witch
NOW! That’s What I Call Weed Witch Vol. 1
Some Quarantunies for you Quarancuties! Three hours and 15 minutes of unadulterated, uplifting tunes for you to chill and fly.
Fun fact: I actually made a huge chunk of this playlist while I was in stoned Ireland all last summer. While I was there, I had a rare opportunity to hear a talk courtesy of the former drummer from Oasis. Ultimately, I decided last minute to pass as $25 seemed a little too steep as. there wasn’t anything he could possibly share that hadn’t already been publicly desecrated by the Gallagher brothers.
New Moon, Good Intentions
(Photo by Kym MacKinnon on Unsplash)
Today marks the beginning of a New Moon in Aries. New moons always mark a moment to set new intentions and hit the reset button, but right now is a particularly incredible time to stop, reflect, and ask yourself: how does this give me an opportunity to transform? Where can I inject more positive contributions into the world and am I giving back as much as I am taking? After all, if everyone is collectively suffering, then we all have a beautiful opportunity to help each other out.
Volunteer SEO Opportunity
Click Through These Links to Help Journalism Outlets Continue To Report
Reminder: journalism survives on your web traffic and SEO support since most of you slackers don’t pay* for your content anymore! Go throw the New York Times and NPR your money right now! Click through these links to give reporters doing the work to keep free speech alive with boosted numbers so they can continue to sell ad space.
Jeff Bezos sold a shit ton of Amazon stocks right before the stock market crash, which is absolutely/definitely not *questionable* insider trading. Holy fuck why is everyone still a Prime slave to this fucker?
#StayTheFuckHome is trending in New York, where we’re all quietly trying to thrive
Solitary confinement tips from a guy who spent 27 years in prison
*Also, on that note, an upgraded subscription for the low, low price of $7 per month can feed one broke ass Weed Witch (and her 57-year-old lesbian roommate) in Brooklyn during these hard times.
Nurse Witches Need Your Help!
Tell Congress: Nurses across the country report that they are not receiving the proper staffing, personal protective equipment (PPE), education, and communication from their employers, or isolation rooms they need to safely care for COVID-19 patients.
This is unconscionable. At a moment when we are asking nurses and other health care workers to step up and protect people, we must be able to protect them as well.
Sign this petition to protect nurses during COVID-19 and share widely.
UsWitchly: Celebrities Just Like Us
Did you hear Idris Elba and Tom Hanks? They both got coronavirus, proving that no one is safe! Can you believe that even wealthy, attractive people can be susceptible to illness? America’s favorite dad and People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” are both officially infected, but somehow the bloated turd who eats overcooked steak every day and sits in a tanning bed is A-OK. The Universe is such a dick sometimes.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good show! Season 1 is on Netflix and it’s worth a binge. Just putting it out there in case you need a laugh since YOU SHOULD BE STAYING THE FUCK HOME and also, the idea of staying “relevant” by watching any new reality television show still makes me want to gouge my eyes out.
Small Acts of Kindness
Join a local COVID crafters coven or donate supplies so they can help make masks.
Find local volunteer opportunities in your community and sign up! Here’s a few in Brooklyn (and people thought New Yorkers were shitty!)
Start a chain letter with your friends. I just had one sent via my dear friend and young adult author, Kayla Cagan and was delighted to have this show up in my inbox. (P.S. Support an author and an indie bookstore by buying her best selling books Piper Perish and Art Boss!). Here’s what you can send to your friends:
Please send a poem/quote/thought to the person whose name is in position 1 below (even if you don't know them/her/him). It should be a favorite text/verse/meditation that has affected you. Don't agonize over it.
After you’ve sent the short poem/verse/quote/etc. to the person in position #1, and only that person, copy this letter into a new email. In the text, move my name to position #1, and put your name in position #2. Only my name and your name should show in the copy of the new email. Then send the email to yourself and BCC 20 women you admire (blind copy). It’s fun to see where they come from and what they say. Seldom does anyone drop out because we all need encouragement! The turnaround is fast, as there are only two names on the list, and you only have to do it once.
Be kind to yourself! Remind yourself about good memories, call your friends to remind them when you are thinking about them.
Take a bath. Take photos of your bath. Start an Instagram of a bath, or help me become a bath influencer, which I have been crossing my fingers for the past few years. Or send Witch Baby soaps, which are just heavenly.
Make art. Then send it to me. I’ll post it here, and we can get The Art Decider to determine if it’s art or not.
Listen to music, light bodega candles, sage your space, masturbate, howl at the moon, throw your middle fingers up, cry until you can’t cry anymore and then pick yourself up again and keep fighting for what’s good and what’s right.
ASK A WEED WITCH
Have a question about cannabis, witch life, existentialism or nihilism, bath tubs, or whether reality is a construct? Send all your need-to-know questions to itstheweedwitch@gmail.com.